A New Ring For Him, A Punch in the Gut for Me

wedding bands divorce

I felt as though I’d been struck in the gut when I noticed the new wedding ring on his finger. He’d come to pick up our daughter. Sunlight flashed off it as he reached out to take the papers I was giving him. He must have been wearing the band since his wedding three months earlier, but it was the first time I’d noticed it.   My daughter and her dad drove off, while I was left with a stunned feeling of loss and grief that I couldn’t understand. I talked myself through all the rational intellectual thoughts: I knew he was remarried; it wasn’t a surprise that he would be wearing a wedding ring; he hadn’t been “mine” for eight years. Knowing all that, why did I feel this way? Was it jealousy? Did it renew my feelings of abandonment or of loneliness? Wedding Bands and Marriage Vows The wedding band is a tactile symbol of the eternal vows pledged on the wedding day. My ex-husband’s new ring was certainly a reminder to me of tour wedding vows broken by divorce. Even though our divorce had been eight years prior, there remains a lingering feeling, with varying intensity, that something…

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Suffering: “Did You Ever Ask God Why?

Angel statue pleading with God

Have You Ever Asked God, “Why?” A while back a reader asked me, “Have you ever asked God why? Did He answer?” Most of us have asked “Why?” There are so many why’s to ask God: Why are you letting this awful thing happen to my family? Why aren’t you listening to my prayers? Why did you let us get married in the first place? Why couldn’t he love me? Why wasn’t he faithful to his wedding vows? Why dn’t you stop bad things from happening in the world?  So my short answer is, yes, I’ve asked God “why?” many times. Sometimes it seems as though He has answered and sometimes it feels like lonely silence. A Lot of “How” Before the “Why” When I first learned my marriage was in trouble, I was too stunned to ask God “why?”  At that point, I was just scrambling to keep my life from unraveling. It was a blurry year and a half before we actually separated and eventually divorced. During that time the gut-wrenching betrayal of abandonment and emotional devastation consumed me while I struggled to accept and adjust to a new reality. My depression and anxiety kicked it up a notch and medication only took the…

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Splitting the Stuff: A Child’s View

splitting up the stuff empty spaces

Who Gets What in Divorce? Divorce is lousy. Our marriage is breaking up, and sometimes the entire household is, too.  But what about the children? It’s hard to consider the children when we are dividing household items during divorce. The spouse moving out rarely considers that their personal items were familiar household staples to the children. We’re already struggling with our personal pain and distress, sometimes it takes all our time and energy just to provide the basic necessities as a newly single parent. The there’s the issue of “fairness.” What’s fair for one spouse to have versus the other? Sometimes the courts make the ultimate decision of who gets what. But what about the children? How do they feel while the family home is being dismantled and divvied up? Empty Spaces in the Home Echo Empty Spaces in the Heart I remember a sleep over with a friend when I was in third grade. We were sitting in her living room playing Backgammon on their coffee table. She pointed out an interesting piece of art hanging over the couch, then excitedly jumped up on the couch to flip it over and allow the sand to pour through the image of the…

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Divorced Catholic Moms Website Continues to Grow

Grateful thanks to Manya for passing on stewardship of this site to me! And so this Divorced Catholic Moms website continues to grow… You’re Not Alone, Either This is the first site I found that helped me feel a little less alone as I first faced the impending prospect of  divorce and the loss of my marriage. Although I had come from “a broken home,” none of my Catholic-mom-friends were divorced or single women. I didn’t know any divorced women, at least not among my own contemporaries. I was shocked, scared, and filled with grief, and this site made me feel a bit less alone. Hopefully you’ll feel less alone, too, when you visit here. Divorce Hurts – And Hurts I hope this site will continue to be a little beacon of hope and light of Christ’s love here for all who are going through the heart-break of a broken marriage. Some of us were abandoned by our husbands, while others made the decision to leave an abusive marriage, or all kinds of situations in between. Whether or not you chose to divorce, it still hurts and has lasting affects on your life and the life of your children. This One’s…

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Still Catholic (after all this time…) + a Bit on Annulments

Image via Wikipedia You might wonder why I have the words, “Yes, We’re Still Catholic” as part of the title of this blog. That’s because there’s a common misconception that once a Catholic divorces, they are automatically excommunicated from the Catholic church. Not true!!! While divorce is strongly discouraged for Catholics and something to be avoided IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, when a Catholic goes through a divorce, they are still a Catholic in good standing within the church – still able to participate in the sacraments (i.e. receive Holy Communion). Now, here is what a divorced Catholic cannot do: Remarry in the church UNLESS their previous marriage has been declared invalid by the Tribunal of their diocese.  (By the way, this does NOT mean your children become illegitimate or that the marriage is viewed as never having taken place.)

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Divorced Catholic – An Extraordinary Life

I’ve mentioned DivorcedCatholic.com many times…and here I am to bring them to your attention again.  They’re just SO good. They have a fantastic new website that has a lot of useful/helpful info on it.  Plus, they send out an electronic newsletter every month.  I just received this month’s edition and want to share it with you. http://tinyurl.com/DC-AnExtraordinaryLife After you read it, please go to their website and register to receive their newsletters each month so you don’t miss a thing.  I’ve been reading them for almost a year now and they get better and better! By the way, Happy May Day! Have a wonderful day. Manya

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Separation & Divorce – The Grieving Process

Image via Wikipedia The death of a marriage is very very similar to the death of a loved one. In some ways, it can be worse (in my opinion). For me, the death of my husband’s love for me and the subsequent destruction of our marriage was the worst thing I’d ever experienced. The extenuating circumstances, of course, have a lot to do with the level of pain involved. As I went through separation and divorce, I felt, and still feel, that the only pain that could have been worse would have been the death of one of my children. From the time my marriage was dealt the first really destructive blow until the day the divorce was final was a period of 2 1/2 years.   That was a time of intense pain, disappointment, fear, panic, denial, hope (occasionally), strength… and weakness. For well over a year, I cried at least once every day…but it was usually more than once. Up until that point, I had cried maybe once every 5 years, if that!  In other words, I’m not a crier by nature, so this was way out of character for me and it was horrid. What would make the…

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The Next Phase

Tomorrow, my second oldest graduates from college! That just amazes me. I swear it seems like yesterday…well, okay….a couple years ago :0)….that I graduated from college. How could it possibly have been 27 years ago?!  And how could I have two children at that point in their lives! (My oldest graduated last year.) Funny how memories can remain so fresh. I met my husband (ex-husband) in college. He was a sophomore and I was a junior. We lived on the same floor of the dorm. Yep…it was a very progressive college. I had no idea the dorms were coed until the day I moved in. I don’t know how my parents and I managed to miss that little detail… Anyway, I think a couple months went by before he and I met. I still vividly remember the first time I saw him. I was sitting on my bed and the door to the room was open.Strangely enough, my roommate and I were having a conversation about the type of men we wanted to marry. Then he walked by and I was taken by his looks and the way he was dressed and how he was walking with purpose (he was…

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