A New Ring For Him, A Punch in the Gut for Me

wedding bands divorce

I felt as though I’d been struck in the gut when I noticed the new wedding ring on his finger. He’d come to pick up our daughter. Sunlight flashed off it as he reached out to take the papers I was giving him. He must have been wearing the band since his wedding three months earlier, but it was the first time I’d noticed it.   My daughter and her dad drove off, while I was left with a stunned feeling of loss and grief that I couldn’t understand. I talked myself through all the rational intellectual thoughts: I knew he was remarried; it wasn’t a surprise that he would be wearing a wedding ring; he hadn’t been “mine” for eight years. Knowing all that, why did I feel this way? Was it jealousy? Did it renew my feelings of abandonment or of loneliness? Wedding Bands and Marriage Vows The wedding band is a tactile symbol of the eternal vows pledged on the wedding day. My ex-husband’s new ring was certainly a reminder to me of tour wedding vows broken by divorce. Even though our divorce had been eight years prior, there remains a lingering feeling, with varying intensity, that something…

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Divorced Catholic – Support, Encourage, Inform

 My Big News! Lisa Duffy has invited me to add my voice to her blog “A Million Unheard Souls” .  I feel honored that Lisa asked me to be a contributor and excited about this opportunity to share encouragement and hope with divorced Catholics. You can read my articles here at A Million Unheard Souls is on the Catholic Channel hosted by Patheos.com. I hope you’ll visit me there! Lisa Duffy’s Divorce Ministry Lisa has been providing support, encouragement, and resources for divorced Catholics for over twenty years. Not only has she written for many other online and print publications, but she also offers one-on-one divorce and relationship coaching, speaks at conferences and more. Lisa is now happily remarried but continues to be committed to her ministry for divorced Catholics. I hope you’ll come visit with me over at Lisa’s blog for Catholics recovering from divorce. I first learned of Lisa Duffy’s divorce ministry shortly after my divorce. It was this website, DivorcedCatholicMoms, that introduced me to Lisa and her work. That was back when I was a reader rather than a writer here. I still remember my hurt, confusion, and loneliness, feelings I’m sure you understand. Online resources were important because I worked during the…

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God’s Mercy Reached Out to This Divorced Catholic

Woman covering face in need of God's mercy

I’m sharing with you a podcast by divorce recovery expert Lisa Duffy who has been a great inspiration to me during my divorce recovery. There were few resources for divorced Catholics years ago, and there still aren’t many. Through the mercy of God, Lisa is an author, blogger, and speaker who has ministered to divorced Catholics for fifteen years. She has also appeared on NBC news as a divorce recovery expert. All for us divorced Catholics.  When Lisa’s husband walked out she was left alone, abandoned and angry.  Instead of turning to God, his mercy and her Catholic faith, Lisa listened to the well-meaning advice of co-workers and friends. They encouraged her that she would feel better once she started dating. But re-entering the world of dating didn’t heal the pain.  In the podcast below, be encouraged and inspired as Lisa Duffy shares how God’s mercy found her as she struggled through the pain of divorce in Episode 13 of Catholic Grandma Kristine Franklin’s podcast series “Mercy Unwrapped,”  Here is the encouraging story of God’s mercy in the midst of her ruined marriage.   You can visit her site at LisaDuffy.com for more podcasts, articles, and divorce recovery resources. Every woman’s experience with…

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Suffering: “Did You Ever Ask God Why?

Angel statue pleading with God

Have You Ever Asked God, “Why?” A while back a reader asked me, “Have you ever asked God why? Did He answer?” Most of us have asked “Why?” There are so many why’s to ask God: Why are you letting this awful thing happen to my family? Why aren’t you listening to my prayers? Why did you let us get married in the first place? Why couldn’t he love me? Why wasn’t he faithful to his wedding vows? Why dn’t you stop bad things from happening in the world?  So my short answer is, yes, I’ve asked God “why?” many times. Sometimes it seems as though He has answered and sometimes it feels like lonely silence. A Lot of “How” Before the “Why” When I first learned my marriage was in trouble, I was too stunned to ask God “why?”  At that point, I was just scrambling to keep my life from unraveling. It was a blurry year and a half before we actually separated and eventually divorced. During that time the gut-wrenching betrayal of abandonment and emotional devastation consumed me while I struggled to accept and adjust to a new reality. My depression and anxiety kicked it up a notch and medication only took the…

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5 Keys to Healing After Divorce

If you haven’t heard of Lisa Duffy yet, you’ve got to meet her through an online webinar she’s offering November 28th at 4pm. Lisa is presenting one of her most popular presentations “5 Keys to Healing:How to Heal After Divorce.” This is a free webinar, a gift that can help us move past divorce and to happiness. Attending the webinar will be easy and Lisa Duffy is sure to be an inspiration. Lisa wrote the books Divorced. Catholic. Now What? and The Catholic Guide to Dating After Divorce: Cultivating the Five Qualities That Free You to Love and currently writes at CatholicMatch and Patheos. Lisa speaks with great compassion to those of us who’ve suffered through divorce. Her spirituality is inspiring but never preachy. I heard this presentation in 2011 at the Journey of Hope, a conference for divorced Catholics, and it was great! It is a step by step road map to help us leave the past behind and move on to the future. She is a real person, a Catholic woman like us, who has experienced the devastation of divorce. You can learn more about her and her ministry to divorced Catholics at www.LisaDuffy.com. There are limited spaces available, so I encourage you to…

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Surviving Divorce: Our Weakness, God’s Strength

Battle scene our inner battle

How do you survive after the destruction of divorce? The only way I was able to make it day-to-day after divorce was through the strength God gave me. My marriage broke up over a year and a half that felt like glass shattering in my hands as I tried to hold onto life as a family. When my husband finally moved out, I was devastated. I used scripture verses to help me survive day-by-day as we went through the divorce and as I survived through the first couple of years afterwards. This was one of my favorites verses; I memorized it and recited it to myself throughout the day: “Out of weakness we were made more powerful, became strong in battle, and pushed back foreign invaders.” Hebrews 11:34 Here is the entire passage to relish and see the context before I adapted it: “What more shall I say? I have not time to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jepthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, who by faith conquered kingdoms, did what was righteous, obtained the promises; they closed the mouths of lions, put out raging fires, escaped the devouring sword; out of weakness they were made powerful, became strong in battle, and turned…

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Splitting the Stuff: A Child’s View

splitting up the stuff empty spaces

Who Gets What in Divorce? Divorce is lousy. Our marriage is breaking up, and sometimes the entire household is, too.  But what about the children? It’s hard to consider the children when we are dividing household items during divorce. The spouse moving out rarely considers that their personal items were familiar household staples to the children. We’re already struggling with our personal pain and distress, sometimes it takes all our time and energy just to provide the basic necessities as a newly single parent. The there’s the issue of “fairness.” What’s fair for one spouse to have versus the other? Sometimes the courts make the ultimate decision of who gets what. But what about the children? How do they feel while the family home is being dismantled and divvied up? Empty Spaces in the Home Echo Empty Spaces in the Heart I remember a sleep over with a friend when I was in third grade. We were sitting in her living room playing Backgammon on their coffee table. She pointed out an interesting piece of art hanging over the couch, then excitedly jumped up on the couch to flip it over and allow the sand to pour through the image of the…

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How to Cope When Your World is Torn Apart

Wow…it’s been a long time since I last wrote.  I apologize for that. I received a message recently from a reader that prompted me to come here to leave a post about what helped me through the hell that is divorce.  I’ve written about this before here and here, but it bears repeating…and maybe something different will come through this time. How do you cope…get through today…tomorrow…and all the days following…when your world has been torn apart by the one person you should have been able to depend upon to protect you and keep you from such pain? It’s a betrayal that hurts like no other.  On top of that, it changes everything about your future…and it hurts your children.  How do you cope with all of THAT…and continue to do all the things you need to do each day….and help your children to cope, too? Yes, it seems an impossible task but it isn’t.  I can say that with certainty because I’ve been there.  No, the circumstances of my divorce and life are not the same as yours…..and I can’t say exactly what will help YOU to cope…all I can do is tell you what helped me during those very…

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